Alright, alright…I admit that I have a problem. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it or anything. It’s just a little unusual to have to come clean with the fact that you are an addict…there, I said it. Well, I guess now you want to know all about my dirty little secret. I suppose you want to confront me about it while all of my loved ones watch me sweat. You don’t have to worry about that. They already know. Heck, they’re my enablers. You think you really want to know what I’m mainlining? You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! You’re out of order! I have a disorder! I’m a Food Network junkie!!!
I really can’t help myself. It’s just one of those things that you can sit down to watch and just really appreciate the artistry of what the chef/cook/ baker is preparing. Let’s face it, since we lost Mr. Ross “The Happy Painter” a serious void needed to be filled. Enter, Food Network. The landscape is certainly varied, but the concept is simple…cook food in all of its glorious forms. There really is a show for everyone. Whether you like Asian, Mexican, French, Indian, Ethiopian (not sure about that one…moving forward). Anyway, you get my point. Even if you’re not a cook, you can still enjoy watching these folks create some amazing looking dishes. Fortunately for me, I can’t smell the stuff. If so, I would probably be binging on every scrap in the old ice box.
Look, I know that some of you guys are thinkin’, “Is he ever gonna actually write about METAL in this blog, or is he just going to babble on about whatever his sleep deprived mind spits out?” Well, the answer is, yes…to both. Here’s where I tie it all together. You see, I have been watching the FN for a while now and have finally determined who the most METAL guy is on their network. You say, “Hey…food can’t be METAL!” Well, nobody believed that you could hand out Bibles at a METAL show, but Stryper said “What the Hell…To Hell with the Devil!” (That one was for Rich Christy).
Now the natural choice for some who have actually watched FN might be Guy Fieri. Yeah, I definitely get that. He’s got the wacky “Rock Star” hair, the cool car, and the dude knows how to eat. He also hosts one of my favorites; “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives”…cool show about “Mom and Pop” eateries. I’ve gotta say though, I think the most METAL guy on the FN has got to be Michael Symon. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s half Greek and half Italian, but it seems to make for a good METAL combination. It seems like if he could cook everything with beer or bacon in it, he would. Michael describes his food as “Meat-Centric” and I can’t find anything wrong with that ideology. As a matter of fact, you can’t have “METAL” without “MEAT”. Case in point; I’ve never been to a METAL show that wasn’t a “SausageFest”. Mr. Symon hails from the Cleveland, Ohio area. As we all know, “Cleveland Rocks!” Apparently, because that’s where the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is or something…I knew that! He owns three restaurants there, and one in…you guessed it, Detroit “Rock City”…GET UP! Oh yeah, I almost forgot…he’s also an “Iron Chef”…Up the Irons!!!
Anyway, that’s about it for my addiction and my pick for the “MOST METAL CHEF”. As the object and “WINNER” of my latest rantings, Michael Symon will receive an autographed copy of “ALIVE IN ATHENS”. Just as soon as he admits that he is trying to boost my “look” and stops denying my “friend” request. Nobody rocks the soul-patch like yours truly…BARLOW-OUT!