HEY…YOU GOT YOUR FOOD IN MY METAL!

Alright, alright…I admit that I have a problem.  It’s not that I’m ashamed of it or anything.  It’s just a little unusual to have to come clean with the fact that you are an addict…there, I said it.  Well, I guess now you want to know all about my dirty little secret.  I suppose you want to confront me about it while all of my loved ones watch me sweat.  You don’t have to worry about that.  They already know.  Heck, they’re my enablers.  You think you really want to know what I’m mainlining?  You want the truth?  You can’t handle the truth! You’re out of order!  I have a disorder!  I’m a Food Network junkie!!!

I really can’t help myself.  It’s just one of those things that you can sit down to watch and just really appreciate the artistry of what the chef/cook/ baker is preparing.  Let’s face it, since we lost Mr. Ross “The Happy Painter” a serious void needed to be filled.  Enter, Food Network.  The landscape is certainly varied, but the concept is simple…cook food in all of its glorious forms.  There really is a show for everyone.  Whether you like Asian, Mexican, French, Indian, Ethiopian (not sure about that one…moving forward).  Anyway, you get my point.  Even if you’re not a cook, you can still enjoy watching these folks create some amazing looking dishes.  Fortunately for me, I can’t smell the stuff.  If so, I would probably be binging on every scrap in the old ice box.

Look, I know that some of you guys are thinkin’, “Is he ever gonna actually write about METAL in this blog, or is he just going to babble on about whatever his sleep deprived mind spits out?”  Well, the answer is, yes…to both.  Here’s where I tie it all together.  You see, I have been watching the FN for a while now and have finally determined who the most METAL guy is on their network.  You say, “Hey…food can’t be METAL!”  Well, nobody believed that you could hand out Bibles at a METAL show, but Stryper said “What the Hell…To Hell with the Devil!”  (That one was for Rich Christy). 

Now the natural choice for some who have actually watched FN might be Guy Fieri.  Yeah, I definitely get that.  He’s got the wacky “Rock Star” hair, the cool car, and the dude knows how to eat.  He also hosts one of my favorites; “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives”…cool show about “Mom and Pop” eateries.  I’ve gotta say though, I think the most METAL guy on the FN has got to be Michael Symon.  I’m not sure if it’s because he’s half Greek and half Italian, but it seems to make for a good METAL combination.  It seems like if he could cook everything with beer or bacon in it, he would.  Michael describes his food as “Meat-Centric” and I can’t find anything wrong with that ideology.  As a matter of fact, you can’t have “METAL” without “MEAT”.  Case in point; I’ve never been to a METAL show that wasn’t a “SausageFest”. Mr. Symon hails from the Cleveland, Ohio area.  As we all know, “Cleveland Rocks!”   Apparently, because that’s where the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is or something…I knew that!  He owns three restaurants there, and one in…you guessed it, Detroit “Rock City”…GET UP!  Oh yeah, I almost forgot…he’s also an “Iron Chef”…Up the Irons!!!

Anyway, that’s about it for my addiction and my pick for the “MOST METAL CHEF”.  As the object and “WINNER” of my latest rantings, Michael Symon will receive an autographed copy of “ALIVE IN ATHENS”.  Just as soon as he admits that he is trying to boost my “look” and stops denying my “friend” request.  Nobody rocks the soul-patch like yours truly…BARLOW-OUT!

O.K., I'M READY FOR "JOHN CARTER OF MARS"

As I pointed out in my last Bar-LOG, just because you have the “House of Mouse” behind you, you are not guaranteed success.  Apparently, the film “John Carter” had a fairly disappointing weekend at the box office.  Look, I did my part.  Admittedly though, we went to see a matinee show, which took a couple dollars from their final take.  I will give the studio credit for this, they at least admitted to dropping the ball on the advertising of the film.  What I find sad is that this film was extremely entertaining and “original”.  Though it has been used as source material for years, because the story is one of the first of its kind, the screen writers still found a way to keep it fresh.  They certainly took artistic license in some regions, but I think it added to the charm of the narrative.  I found the film to have a lot of heart.  I would think that that has a great deal to with the director Andrew Stanton as well.  His body of work includes the Disney/Pixar animated films “Finding Nemo” and “Wall-E”.  Transitioning from animation to live action didn’t seem tough for the guy at all.  Also, there was plenty CG in the movie.  He may have not realized that he was working in live action that often.  The actors did a nice job as well, considering that a lot of the supporting cast was of the animated variety.  It came together far better than some of the other Sci-Fi actioners that are heavily CG based- ala Episode I, II, & III.  Sorry George! 

Look, if you want a good, entertaining story that has inspired generations of Sci-Fi writers and film makers, than this is the movie for you.  Don’t expect to see something completely “new to you”, cause it aint gonna happen.  I hope that the ticket sales pick up in the coming weeks, as people get the “word of mouth” pitch from guys like me.  I would really like to see the follow up to this one.  This is just a guess at the title; “John Carter of Mars”.  You’ll see what I mean when you go to the show.  Enjoy! 

BARLOW-OUT!

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

Today I got a chance to reflect on some wonderful moments in my life.  I remember when my wife I began to date, shortly after I moved to Indiana.  I was given a new lease on life that year.  In addition to dating my future wife, Iced Earth began working on “Something Wicked This Way Comes”, which was released the following year.  Arguably, some of my best work was done on that record.  Many great things happened when I started my life in Indiana.  Ironically, that same year, another “Hoosier” transplant started a new life in Indianapolis, Indiana. 

The number one draft pick in the National Football League started his professional career with a team that I grew up watching in Baltimore.  It seemed like the making of a perfect storm.  I became a believer in Peyton Manning from the first time he took a snap as an Indianapolis Colt. This is a dude who commanded respect at a very young age and proved that hard work, passion, and dedication to his craft would ultimately define who he was as a player.  For fourteen years he continued to prove to the people of Indiana what kind of person he was and reinforce the respect of his peers and fans throughout the entire league. 

As a fan, it is really difficult to conceive the Indianapolis Colts without Peyton Manning.  Well, here I am in much the same quandary that some of you may have been in when I departed Iced Earth (twice).  Well, I am here to tell you that I really get it, and I’m sorry!   I know that it sucks to have to deal with change and losing that certain sense of congruency that comes with the end of an era.  I also want to thank you for all the inspiration.  You have given me the understanding that, like you, I don’t have to choose loyalties between the team and the guy who gave it all when he was in the game.  I will continue to support the Indianapolis Colts and I will always be a fan of Peyton Manning.  Go kick some ass, brother!  I’ll be there screamin’ like a madman when you take your next snap!

By the way, another thing that Peyton Manning and I have in common…He used to make eight figures with the Indianapolis Colts and I used to make figure eights in a Dodge Colt.  BARLOW-OUT!

JOHN CARTER, THE AVENGERS...AND THE DEVIL!

Well, I’ve got to tell you that I’m pretty excited about this weekend.  My wife is taking me to see “John Carter “(of Mars) for my birthday.  Yeah, that’s right…I’m old!  However, I still can’t get enough of epic Sci-Fi.  This character has been around for a hundred years (I’m not quite that old) and this marks his first appearance on the big screen.  He hails from the creator of the beloved classic “Tarzan”, and has been the template for many protagonists of the science fiction genre; i.e., Buck Rogers, Flash Gordon, Han Solo/Luke Skywalker love child. During my youth, J.C. (the Savior of Martiankind…get it?) graced the pages of Marvel Comics.  I truly hope that he is treated with the care and respect that he deserves, so that we might be graced with his further adventures.

That leads me to my next example of care and respect for characters. “The Avengers” are in the house people!  Well, they’re really kinda at the front door.  Actually, they’re walking down the sidewalk in front of your house… probably.  My point is that F@#$N trailer looks killer!!!  I hope to see it played before the “John Carter” showing, so I can see the Hi Def version on a large screen.  What I have seen in this trailer is something that other “comic movies” will have to measure themselves next to.  I think it’s going to be a great season for Marvel, as the “Amazing Spider-Man” will also be met with high expectations. 

It would appear that the house of “Mooby the Golden Calf, I mean err…eh, Mickey Mouse” has once again found itself a “Cash Cow”.  Though I don’t think that Disney has acquired all rights to Spidey, and a few other Marvel titles, they definitely appear to be full speed ahead.  As a comic book fan, in general, I’m really glad to see that a lot of these stories are getting fast tracked.  I just hope that the integrity remains in what Marvel Studios had started pre-Mooby.  Don’t get me wrong, I think that a lot of great material has come out of Disney Studios via Pixar, etc.  I just don’t want to sit “false idoly” by while  some of my favorite superheroes are morphed into some kind of “neo-politically correct-we now own your soul ” version of their former selves.  Remember “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” –Keyser Soze.  BARLOW-OUT!